One Dumb Thing I Used To Believe

Posted by Mari Anne in Healthy Living, Self-Acceptance, Self-Care, Weight Loss | 0 comments

I used to believe that pretending was necessary.

I used to believe that the person I presented to the world needed to be funnier, thinner, prettier, more polished, more well-spoken, more interesting, more mysterious, more sophisticated, more exceptional.

Why do we believe pretending is necessary?

First of all, it’s human nature.  We’ve all done it, and we’ll all do it again.

We pretend because we’re scared of being judged and we’re scared of rejection and we’re scared of coming up short.  Ironically, when we pretend, we’re rejecting our own self before anyone else even has a chance to know us!

We also pretend so we don’t feel so vulnerable.  It somehow feels safer to pretend, because then if someone rejects you, they’re rejecting the fake you.

Does pretending get us more of what we want?

Will people like us more?   I don’t know.  Maybe.

But, if people like us more when we’re pretending then they’re really liking the pretend us, not the real us anyways, right?

Why pretending is dumb.

Pretending takes us farther from ourselves.   The basic message to ourselves when we pretend is rejection.  We’re rejecting ourselves as we naturally are and we end up feeling detached from our true selves.

Pretending feels awful.  It’s exhausting, unsatisfying and feels like a betrayal.

When you keep pretending your way through your life, the lines become blurred and you lose clarity of who you authentically are at your core.

What if we could just start to notice when we’re pretending?

There is a freedom in just being who you are.

I still catch myself wanting to pretend sometimes.  When I met my kid’s teacher in the fall, I wanted to give the “right” impression – that I was a responsible mom.  My story was that it was for my son’s sake – to make life easier for him.  As I look back, I find it interesting.  I really believe I am a responsible mom already.  Why pretend at all?

There are many ways we pretend, and some are so subtle we don’t even realize we’re pretending.

How would it feel to trust that you are enough without pretending? – to move through life without apologizing for your likes and dislikes, your body shape, your hair, your job title, your messy house, your income, your car, etc.

Pretending is far from necessary.  It’s tragic.

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